These are some of the phrases that characterize my life right now. It is a time of difficulty as I wade through my first year of teaching. It is one of the only times in my life when I have cried almost every day and literally almost every time I talk about school. "Through all the comfort and support of family and friends, I still feel overwhelmed," I thought. But why? Finally I realized...
I
sat on the bed. Snot was running, tears were falling, and I was
breaking apart. I was sharing a conversation about the difficulty of
school with someone I love dearly and the Lord gave me a revelation that
totally broke me.
I need the Lord.
People's temporary comfort is only a band-aid, but this sin requires something much stronger. Until I let the Lord in to comfort and heal, I will not feel peace nor satisfaction. I
need to stop trying to get rid of the pain and embrace it.
The Lord is
working to remove an idol of school and success that has been my crutch
for 23 years of life. It is like putting rubbing alcohol on an very
infected wound. OUCH! But just like rubbing alcohol cleans out nasty infections, the Lord's light is cleaning out my sin (1 John 1:5-7). I need to experience the fullness of the pain so the
Lord can come and heal every depth of that idol in my life. I want the entire sin infection gone!
The Lord is not going to give up until I put my full trust in HIM, not the idol of school and success. As I embrace the journey, I will embrace all the emotions, pains, and joys along the way. The Lord is my light and my salvation (Psalm 27:1). He will give me strength (2 Corinthians 12:710)!
Praise His name!
