The Lord (not Milton) is my Shepherd

 

For years I lived life as a single woman. 

Attending sporting events, concerts, and church by myself. Living with people or dogs as roommates. Making decisions solo and handling all the work required to live (cleaning, cooking, caring for the dog, bills, working, etc. etc.) without a partner to share it with. 

Now when I say it like that, it sounds terrible. Why would anyone ever want to live life like that? 

But I loved it! 

How? 

Because the Lord taught me through a loooong journey that He is my Shepherd, so I have everything I need (Psalm 23:1). 

I decided that I didn’t want to sit around and wait for a man, which meant missing all the amazing opportunities I had all around me. 

So I didn’t. 

The Lord helped me see that His mission for His people - to love Him, to love others, to make disciples, and to be sanctified - could be completed as a single woman or as a married women. 

My prayer became, “Lord, I love the life we have together. I can sit with a friend's sick daughter on a dime because I don't have my own children to worry about. I can stay late talking with a friend because I don’t have dinner to prepare and children to care for. I can serve in multiple ministries at church and in the community because I don’t have the responsibility of being present with my family. 

Lord, I love this life I am able to live with you, BUT if you ever see the need to put a man in my life because I can serve you better with a man by my side or because there are things you can teach me that I can’t learn alone, then I will gladly accept that gift too.” 

So when Milton came along, it took some adjustment on my part. I had to think about someone else before I went on a trip. I had to consider another opinion and think about preparing dinner instead of staying to eat with a friend. I was used to just answering a call from the Lord or taking an opportunity without question.

But I started getting used to it. 

Having someone else to help me navigate the culture. A “hello” and a “goodbye” hug. Someone there to help me navigate my crazy emotions and still help me see Biblical truth, even about myself. It became comfortable. Familiar. And nice.

And then, my rock left. 

And I cried. 

How was I going to live life without this constant presence I had grown so used to?

It was in that moment that I realized that in my heart, I had been turning to my love instead of to my Lord. I used to do everything by myself with the Lord by my side, but I had forgotten my first love (Revelation 2:4). 

I quickly ran to the Lord and repented of my error. And I praised Him for saving me and helping me remember that He is my shepherd, not Milton. 

Yes, the Lord has put Milton in my life to guide me and protect. He has provided Milton to lead me and provide. 

He has given me Milton as a shepherd, but Milton is not THE shepherd. 

He is the shepherd put in charge of me until the other shepherd comes for me. He is “on the ground” while my Shepherd is preparing a place for me. (John 14:2)

“The Lord is my shepherd. I have everything I need.” (Psalm 23:1, RSV)

I was so grateful for the lesson that helped me construct our relationship on Christ. 

It was a foundational truth that I needed to make sure that my ultimate worth and dependence was not found in my love. Although he is pretty close to perfect 😜, he is not perfect and cannot carry the weight and responsibility that God himself is meant to hold. 

It is not because of Milton that I have everything I need. It is not because of His love and presence and care. 

It is because of the Lord that I have everything I need. 

The Lord (not Milton) is my shepherd. I have everything I need. (Psalm 23:1, my addition). 

11 more days! (10 for us here in Liberia since I’m getting to this at such a late hour!)