Your First Year is Always Hard

"Your first year teaching is always hard." "I'm sure you're doing better than you think." "You're not going to lose your job."

These are some of the phrases that characterize my life right now. It is a time of difficulty as I wade through my first year of teaching. It is one of the only times in my life when I have cried almost every day and literally almost every time I talk about school. "Through all the comfort and support of family and friends, I still feel overwhelmed," I thought. But why? Finally I realized...

I sat on the bed. Snot was running, tears were falling, and I was breaking apart. I was sharing a conversation about the difficulty of school with someone I love dearly and the Lord gave me a revelation that totally broke me.

I need the Lord.

People's temporary comfort is only a band-aid, but this sin requires something much stronger. Until I let the Lord in to comfort and heal, I will not feel peace nor satisfaction. I need to stop trying to get rid of the pain and embrace it.

The Lord is working to remove an idol of school and success that has been my crutch for 23 years of life. It is like putting rubbing alcohol on an very infected wound. OUCH! But just like rubbing alcohol cleans out nasty infections, the Lord's light is cleaning out my sin (1 John 1:5-7). I need to experience the fullness of the pain so the Lord can come and heal every depth of that idol in my life. I want the entire sin infection gone!

The Lord is not going to give up until I put my full trust in HIM, not the idol of school and success. As I embrace the journey, I will embrace all the emotions, pains, and joys along the way. The Lord is my light and my salvation (Psalm 27:1). He will give me strength (2 Corinthians 12:710)!

Praise His name!

School

"LORD, I need your help!"

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." ~Exodus 14:14

These are the thoughts running through my head when I think about my current position teaching 4th grade for my first year. There are many ups and downs, but the Lord is constant and faithful.

He has been teaching me how to trust Him and rely on him within the context of a classroom. I can't be reading my Bible instead of teaching the students, but I can lift up every lesson to the Lord. I can't tell them about God, but I can foster a "positive classroom environment" that encourages open communication. I can't always encourage them to seek the Lord, but I can pray that they would find Him. The Lord is teaching me ways to be still and trust Him. He is good. He is faithful.

One of the things I covet most is the prayers of His faithful followers as we all need. We are all missionaries to the places we work and live. It is easy to forget that, but it is true. Instead of meditating on worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety, we should meditate on the One who is in control of all things (Alex Tunnicliff, Redemption Hill Church).

As I have been dwelling in this current job, it has become obvious to me that it is taking over my life. It consumes my thoughts, my time, and my energy.

I should be focused on Christ.

I should be so enthralled with His beauty and majesty that everything pails in comparison. I should be so engulfed in His glory that nothing else truly matters. However, I am not. My prayer is that my time, energy, and money would be devoted to Him. He provides joy, encouragement, love, everything I need and so much more!

Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace!

"His mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness O Lord!"

I pray that you
1. may know the power of His might to handle whatever you are facing
2. would find a prayer buddy for your mission field--someone you can pray for and someone who will pray for you